Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf - The Text Based Adventure: A FAQ You Never Asked For, Episode I ============================================== Q: What the actual cannibal is this crap? A: You're familiar with the 2012 song "Shia LaBeouf", written by Rob Cantor, and its inspired media? Imagine if that piece of art fucked the game Zork. You'd get this incredible stillborn of a program. Q: Why did you even make this? A: I'm interested in making old school text-based adventure games like Oregon Trail and the aforementioned Zork. This was me dipping my toes into the cesspool that is abundance of late twenty-something white guys trying to get into programming to make them more viable in an oversaturated job market. And I wanted to see what would happen if wrote this in a single Windows Batch file. Q: You absolute clod. A: That's not really a question, but I'll dignify it with a reply. If I learned anything with this brief project, it's that the language involved was certainly not designed for these kinds of shenanigans. If I get around to putting aside my crippling self-doubt and make another attempt at something similar, it'll be in Python like God intended. Q: OK, I'm going to assume the .exe isn't some sort of malicious cryptominer and run this just to see how god awful it is. How do I play? A: When you launch the program, it'll take you to a title screen of sorts. From there, you'll be presented with different lyric sections from the song. To progress, you have to type responses that correlate with the following parts. Each answer is one word (one of them has a hyphen, and that's the only hint you'll get from me, mister!), and inputting the incorrect answer will clear the field and you'll have to try again. Q: So I tried to submit an answer for section [insert any number] and the fucking thing crashed. Did you even test this? A: Well, yes, but actually no. I made sure that the right answers would lead to the end of the program. So it works in that regard. If that happens, just start the damn thing over again and start from the beginning. This is what real fun looks like! Q: Do you even plan on going back and trying to fix the broken shit? A: Look, I made this in a couple hours after midnight. You're lucky you're even getting this garbage FAQ. Q: You do know that literally anyone else could have made a more competent version of this, right? A: Absolutely, and I encourage others to do just that. Of course, it's a little conceited to thing that anyone would even want to follow in my sad, strange footsteps. ================================================== So there you have it. Play it, ignore it, break it, put your own name on it, ridicule it, or none of the above. I leave things in your capable hands.