Katie's advice for parents to be
Stuff that I learned while having two babies. As with everything, this was my experience and YMMV, especially some things that are car & house specific, I have no idea how to manage a baby in a small apartment in the city lol.
My overall baby advice can be summed up as follows:
- Do what feels right for you, don't let societal pressure make you do things that you hate or make you miserable or doesn't feel like it works for you and your kid.
- Whatever ideas you have before having a baby about the "right" or "wrong" way to parent will fly out the window! You will very quickly learn that you do whatever it takes to survive, and that's okay!
- Sleep is the most important thing for EVERYONE. The vast majority of my advice will be sleep-related.
- Seriously, sleep is the most important thing. You will be averaging 4 hours of sleep per day at first and you'll be a wreck if you don't quickly train your kid to sleep better.
Stuff you need
Aim to get as much of this used as you possibly can. If you have friends and family you can get hand-me-downs (parents are always looking to get rid of stuff they don't need anymore), and there are usually baby consignment stores where you can buy and eventually sell everything baby related, including maternity and nursing clothes for mom! This stuff isn't useful or necessary for very long, so it's better for the planet and your wallet to recycle! I still go to our local baby consignment store for clothes.
Furniture
- Crib with option to raise the mattress higher when they are babies (so you don't have to lean over as far to get the baby out lol), and can convert to a toddler bed when they are older.
- Rocking chair/glider with a tall back so you can rest your head while nursing and a footstool. We have a Dutalier https://www.dutailier.com/ wooden frame glider that we still use every day to read with the kids! It looks ugly but they are hands down the best/most comfy, I bought it used and it's still working great after ~15 years. If you buy one used, you can order new cushions from the company super easily too.
- Changing table(s) if you have two floors you will want one per floor. They don't have to be fancy or expensive.
- Pack-n-play with a removable bassinet thingy so you don't have to reach super far down to get the baby out. You will need one for traveling anywhere for longer than a few hours
- (optional) Snoo get or rent one if you can afford it, they didn't exist when my kids were babies, but everyone who has had one says they are amazing.
- (optional) Co-sleeper that attaches to the side of your bed. I had an arm's reach https://www.armsreach.com/ that I bought used. It's a nice to have when you are nursing to just roll over and the baby is right there, but you only need it for a few months, so it's got a limited life.
- Extra bed or futon in the baby's room so one parent can do overnight feedings and the other one can get a good night's sleep every now and then!
Other large/medium baby items
- Bouncer seat This was one of our most-used items. We had an older version of this fisher price one https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Infant-to-Toddler-Rocker-Geo-Diamonds/dp/B014D4HHQI that turns into a toddler rocker and both kids loved it.
- Infant car seat get the bucket with a carry handle, make sure to buy an extra base if you have multiple cars.
- Snap and go stroller frame trust me, this is way easier to manage when the baby is a newborn, you just click the bucket out of the car and right into the stroller! Some brands have specific ones that work with their car seats, or there's a universal one https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Trend-Snap-N-Go-Universal-Stroller/dp/B000BMKEVC
- A nicer walking/jogging stroller that will work when the kid is older. Get one that is a single-hand easy unfold style, we had a city mini and LOVED it! https://www.babyjogger.com/city-mini.html I know there are more expensive ones out there but eh, the city mini was awesome!
- If you need a two-kid stroller When we had to manage a second kid I tried a few different ones and they all were huge and heavy and a beast to manage, until I picked up a Joovy Caboose that converted to a ride-along for older kids and loved that one. We brought it on a trip to Cali and used it in Disneyland and it was great https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/joovy-caboose-too-graphite-stand-on-tandem-stroller-in-black/3328281?categoryId=32578&wmSkipPwa=1
- Activity gym/play mat with a curved pillow to help prop them up for tummy time - something like this https://www.amazon.com/Skip-Hop-Silver-Lining-Activity/dp/B01G1JQXMW
- Babywearing/carrier wrap My kids never liked the carriers that much, but I know lots of "baby wearing" lovers! I tried out a few different kinds that were available used from the baby consignment store, I liked the Ergo best, but didn't use it a ton.
- Bumbo seat for when they are learning to sit.
- Diaper trash can because that shit smells and a normal trash can does not handle it! We actually used a biohazard can for laboratories that my father in law bought for us and it worked pretty darn well lol https://www.uline.com/BL_1248/Biohazard-Waste-Cans, but there are lots of baby-specific ones.
Stuff you don't need right away
- High chair(s) get a nicer/bigger one for indoors, and then a cheap $20 ikea antilop https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/antilop-high-chair-with-tray-white-silver-color-s89228434/ it's a single piece of plastic with removable legs, so it's great for using outdoors on the patio and/or bring it with you when you travel. Note you don't need a high chair until they can sit up and eat around 4-6 months.
- Exersaucer/jumper once the kids outgrew the stationary bouncer we put them in the saucer to keep them busy while we cooked etc. Once they are mobile it helps to corral them.
VERY IMPORTANT SLEEP RELATED THINGS
- Dohm white noise machine This is one of the most important things to buy, seriously! https://yogasleep.com/products/dohmclassic they are 100% mechanical and last forever. I recently opened one that wasn't working and removed all the dust and squirted WD40 and it works great again. My kids are great sleepers now and I think the white noise machines are a big reason why. They have a portable option as well to bring with you when you travel.
- 90 Minute Sleep Solution book (or the newer version "natural sleep solution") https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Baby-Sleep-Solution-Internal/dp/0761187472 This book is magic and will save your sanity (more on this later)
- The happiest baby on the block book https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Harvey-Karp/dp/0553381466 This book is like the bible for new parents, note that the doctor who wrote this is the one who made the Snoo.
- Swaddle cloths I liked the muslin-type ones. We swaddled the shit out of our kids.
- Halo sleep sacks buy a few of each size, there are cotton ones for warmer days and fleece ones for winter https://www.halosleep.com/shop/sleepsack-swaddle (note these might not be necessary with the snoo? I'm not sure)
Clothing & Accessories
- onesies, lots of onesies, there are a few different styles you will need. Seriously babies live in onesies.
- the long-sleeve kind with built-in foldover mittens at the end of the arms
- feetie onesies with the zipper (snaps are a pain in the butt)
- gown-style onesies are KEY. They have an open bottom, so you can just pull it up to change a diaper and not deal with snaps or zippers or taking legs out in the middle of the night and half asleep. https://www.gerberchildrenswear.com/products/4-pack-baby-neutral-sheep-gowns-1284
- mittens to cover their hands for the first few weeks (their fingernails are SHARP and they cut themselves the dummies)
- socks and hats. You do not need shoes ever and they are a pain to get on and off so don't bother
- spit-up cloths. There are fancy ones or we just used cheap cloth diapers
- a mirror that hangs on the back seat of the car so you can see them more easily
- a warm sleeping bag style car seat cover for winter, you aren't supposed to strap them in wearing a jacket or snowsuit. I liked the jj cole ones https://www.amazon.com/JJ-Cole-Weather-Resistant-Herringbone/dp/B00P1BDGEU
- a bath sponge like this https://www.amazon.com/Summer-Infant-Comfy-Bath-Sponge/dp/B000H953Y2 baby bathtubs are a scam, they are awkward af and your kid ends up afraid of the big tub when you try to transition them. Use the sponge on a counter when they are brand new, then lay them on it in the big tub with an inch of water
- a plastic bowl or cup to pour water on them in the tub
- a butt thermometer
- baby nail clippers
- a soft bristle hair brush, my kids didn't even have hair, but we needed one to help with cradle cap.
- bottles, get two sizes (iirc 4oz and 8oz are typical) if you are starting daycare you will need a lot.
- 2-3 pacifier clips (if you do pacifiers which my kids loved) so you don't have to dig around for it if it falls out of their mouths
- toys that are colorful and different textures & sounds and hang from car seat straps and stuff.
- a metric fuckton of diapers
- boppy pillow with extra covers for nursing
- good thick diaper cream
- this is prob controversial but have formula on hand so dad can feed the baby and you can get a break without having to pump!
Stuff for mom
- CROSSOVER STYLE nursing and sleep bras https://www.medela.com/breastfeeding/products/maternity-and-nursing-wear/nursing-sleep-bra (you will need to wear bras to sleep because you will leak and need a bra to hold pads) I HATED the snap kinds of bras because it was so awkward to undo while holding the kid
- Henley/crossover style sleeping tops so you can pull your boob out and roll over and nurse without snaps and stuff
- these leggings from the Gap are the best most comfy things ever, I lived in mine both while pregnant and post-baby https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=550335
- nipple ointment. Your nipples will be raw and cracked so you need a good ointment that the baby can safely ingest
- boob pads for soaking up the leakage. You will leak a little bit kind of all the time
- a pumping bra that will let you pump hands-free. The kind that zips in front is easiest to get on IME https://www.medela.us/breastfeeding/products/nursing-apparel/easy-expression-bustier
- a cute and fun diaper bag that has clips to attach to the handles of a stroller
- get a good baby tracker app. The most important features are:
- nursing timer that also tracks which boob you used because you will be so sleep deprived you will forget.
- tracker for sleeping, poop, and pee (the doctor will ask you about it in the first few months)
- timer that you can set to 90 minutes for the 90 minute sleep program
- If it connects to a smart watch that would probably be amazing, they didn't really exist when my kids were newborns and I would have loved to be able to track nursing on my phone if I could have!
Stuff you don't need
- motorized swings and stuff They take up a ton of space, have a very limited timespan, and didn't work well for calming my kids, but ymmv.
- kid-specific bedroom furniture (unless you don't have space in their bedroom for both a changing table and a dresser, getting a dresser with removable changing top makes sense)
- shoes. Shoes for babies are cute but totally useless and dumb and you will spend more time trying to get them on and trying to find them when they fall off than the kid will actually wear them.
- fancy baby clothes. The kid will live in onesies. If someone gives you fancy clothes return them for diapers. The clothes probably won't fit and will be the wrong season because your baby shower will probably be during the wrong season so people will buy shit you can't use. Diapers you can always use!
- expensive shit. Seriously the expensive stuff is almost never worth it, especially the high-end toys and high chairs and strollers.
- heated wipe warmers
- motorized diaper pails
- bottle warmers (we didn't use it much for breast milk because I didn't pump much before daycare, and we used warm tap water + powdered formula)
- baby bathtubs, inflatable duck tub things, baby bath resters, just get the sponge thing I listed above.
More on sleep
I know I sound like a broken record here, but it is so so so so so important to get the baby sleeping well from the start. The first few weeks when you are home from the hospital, they sleep pretty well, but then after ~2 weeks or so it suddenly gets harder and harder to get them to sleep. We were all super miserable for the first two months until a friend gave me the 90 Minute Sleep Solution book, and that book saved our sanity. I give it to every new parent to read, and almost everyone tells me that it's magic.
When my daughter was born we had no idea that babies need to sleep for like 16 hours a day, and they don't know how to fall asleep on their own - you have to help them learn! And, if they don't get enough sleep they get into a cycle where it's harder and harder to fall asleep because they are over-tired. So, The general idea of the N.A.P.S. 90 minute thing is that the human sleep cycle of wakefullness/restfullness is 90 minutes long, so when the baby wakes up, you start a timer for 90 minutes, and when it beeps, you put them to sleep. That sounds like a ridiculously short amount of time, but it works! The book goes into more detail and especially the "tells" for knowing when the baby is tired are super important.
Swaddling and white noise and the 90-minute solution combined will save your sanity, for real. I also think that getting them to sleep at least part of the time in their own room pretty early on is important too, so that they don't have a freakout when you want to get your room back again. We kept our former guest bed in the baby's room and we periodically took turns sleeping with the baby in the baby's room and doing feedings so the other parent could get more than 3-4 hours of sleep. If you are nursing though, your boobs will get really full and hurt if you miss a feeding so you won't be getting a full night's sleep for a while, sadly.
Pro Tips
- sleep now while you can.
- If you have a vaginal birth, when you get home from the hospital soak maxi pads in witch hazel and put them in the freezer, then use them when the pain gets really bad (especially if you need an episiotomy). If the hemohorroids don't clear up quickly, the doctor can prescribe 2.5% hydrocortisone cream which helps bring the swelling down.
- Make the crib up with 2-3 layers of mattress cover + sheet so you don't have to remake the crib in the middle of the night from a blowout or leak.
- Keep a shirt that mom has slept in around for your partner to drape over their shoulder when feeding/calming/putting the baby to sleep. We called it the "mama shirt", and it helped a ton for my husband, parents, babysitters, etc. to calm the kids because they could smell mama's pheromones.
- Turn down the water temp housewide by adjusting your water heater. That way you don't have to worry about testing the bathwater so you don't burn the baby. This article recommends
Set the thermostat on your hot water heater to below 120 F (48.9 C). Aim for bath water around 100 F (38 C)https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/child-safety/art-20044027 - babies are not as fragile as they look! You don't need to stress, and you don't need a ton of crap to keep them alive and loved.