20230618

[github-actions]

=============
Two men were washed ashore during WWI.
Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp, the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates. To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, confirming that it could arrive at their position in approximately two weeks. The old vet sighed and shook his head, saying he'd rather take his chances swimming out to the wrecked ship and trying to repair it. The young soldier scoffed. You'd really rather play with that old mine craft all day? The older man shrugged. It's better than a fortnight.

=============
A man goes running into a clinic shouting and screaming in pain. Please doctor! Youve got to help me! Ive been stung by a bee! The doctor says reassuringly, 'Dont worry, Ill put some cream on it.
Youll never find that bee. It must be miles away by now. No, you dont understand. answers the doctor. Ill put some cream on the place you were stung. Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house. No, no, no! says the doctor getting frustrated. I mean, where on your body did that bee sting you? On my finger! screamed the man in pain. The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts. Which one? the doctor asked. How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!

=============
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball.
The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume. The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced. The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

=============
2 ladies are walking their dogs. One has a big black lab, the other has a chihuahua. They pass a bar and the lab owner says Lets get a beer.
The chihuahua walker complains, We cant take our dogs in there. The first responds, Watch me. The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer. The bartender tells her, Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here. He's my seeing eye dog, the woman replies feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer. The other woman comes in with her chihuahua and orders a beer, too. The bartender says No dogs allowed in here. Hes my seeing eye dog. Yeah, right, the bartender says, Its a chihuahua. Without missing a beat the woman replies, They gave me a CHIHUAHUA?

=============
A mouse is running away from a cat.
Just before the cat catches it, the mouse sees a small hole in the floor and manages to slip in. So it sits there, trembling in terror, not knowing if the cat is away or not. Suddenly it hears loud barking - Woof! Woof! 'Oh, great,' the mouse tells itself. 'A dog came, chased the cat away, now I can come out!' It slips out the hole, at once the cat grabs it, eats it, licks its lips and says: See! Knowing foreign languages is useful!

=============
A man is stranded on a deserted island for years.
Once there was a guy stuck on a deserted island, feeling hopeless. Then, he found a lamp half-buried in the sand. So, he gave it a rub, and guess what? A genie popped out! The genie said, I'll grant you three wishes, but here's the twist: your ex-wife gets double of whatever you wish for. The guy thought for a moment and said, Alright, for my first wish, I want a billion dollars! Poof! He got a billion dollars, and his ex-wife got two billion. Undeterred, he said, For my second wish, I want a mansion on a private island! Poof! He had a stunning mansion, and his ex-wife ended up with two mansions on two private islands. Now, feeling clever, he said, For my last wish, beat me half to death.

=============
I like to tell Dad jokes
But he never finds them funny. So I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes. It didnt go over too well, I was asked to leave the orphanage. My wife asked me to stop with the corny dad jokes. I was doing to do one about chemistry, but now Im afraid of the reaction.