regstuff / reddit-joke-cleaner

Get jokes daily from Reddit's r/jokes. Delete "offensive" jokes. Mail the rest to yourself

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An Irish Man Orders Three Pints For Him And His Bros
Bartender says to Irish guy, Hey why do you always order three drinks at a time? Looking down at three pints, the Irish man says I drink one for me, and one for each of my brothers, who live overseas. This tradition continued, until one day the Irish man came in and only ordered two drinks. With sadness in his eyes, the bartender asks, Oh dear, was there a tragedy? Yes, the Irish man answered. I quit drinking.

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A guy walks into a bar after a long day, and orders a drink. Out of nowhere he hears a high-pitched voice say That shirt really looks great on you!
He looks around, doesnt see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. A moment later, the voice says, You seem like a really cool guy! Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional. He believes the voice is gone, when he hears, I bet your parents are really proud of you! He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he says, Hey barkeep! Whats that voice I keep hearing? The bartender says Its the peanuts. Theyre complimentary.

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A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
What are you doing? she exclaimed. The daughter replied, I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband. Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. What are you doing? he exclaimed. The daughter replied, I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband. A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. NO, not in the living room, she said to herself. Instead, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. What are you doing? she exclaimed. Watching the game with my son-in-law.

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Things you can say in the class bedroom!
I finished first ! It's so hrad to do Can I use my phone ? There's more on the back

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The world is cruel
I gave my seat for an old lady in the bus. Next day I lost my job as a driver.

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Lois lane was lying in her deathbed, with her husband Clark Kent beside her
After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but Ive regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me. You dont need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didnt know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful. Oh thank God! said Lois. I cant tell you what a weight that is off my chest. Glad we cleared that up, said Clark. So I guess this means you were Batman too.