20230607

[github-actions]

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When Bill and Hillary Clinton got married, Bill informed Hillary that he had a shoebox under the bed, and she was never to open it under any circumstances. Hillary agreed and promised to never open the box.
Hillary respected his wish as the years went by and kept her promise. But after several years of marriage, Hillary's curiosity got the best of her. She opened the box and found several hundred dollars in cash, and a couple of empty beer cans. She felt guilty, and confessed to Bill that she had opened the shoebox, apologizing profusely. Bill said it was okay, but Hillary asked him, what are the beer cans for? Bill replies Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I drank a beer and promised never to do it again. Hillary is taken aback, but not surprised. She thought well there was Monica, maybe one other woman, I guess that's not too bad. It's all good. He was the president and had some flings here and there. She then asks Bill what's all the cash for? Bill says well, every time the box got full, I took it to the recycling center for the deposit.

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Traffic stop
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the mans truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck? The man replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me. You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!, the officer said. I did, the man replied. And today Im taking them to the beach.

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Serious Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar. I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well.until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones.and picked the worst possible one to start with. Here's the joke I told: What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing (laundry if you're American) in. One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago. Obviously, I felt mortified as I didn't know about it, and said I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he drown? No, replied the guy. He choked on a sock.

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Reddits new API Costs
Yep thats it. Its going to price out all those apps you all use instead of the official one to read or post jokes. And I can tell you first hand, it is much tougher to copy and paste in official app. Can we go black out on June 12-14?

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Two astronauts on the ISS.
..decide to make coffee, one says I can't find the milk. The other replies In space, no one can, here, use cream

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Small talk.
Girl in a supermarket says to a guy. Girl: Hi there: Guy: Do I know you? Girl: I think you're the Father of one of my Kids: Guy: are you the stripper that I made love to on the pool table and I whipped your ass while all my buddies were watching? Girl: No I'm your Son's Kindergarten Teacher.

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Three country club women .
. walk out of the clubhouse and see a man sunbathing nude on the lawn with his hat over his face. The first woman says, Is that my husband? The second says, No, he's not. The third says, He isn't even a member of the club. (A version of this was posted five years ago; I heard this version about 40 years ago and still think it's the best.)