20230603

[github-actions]

=============
The Italian Grandfather
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me. But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead? You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Point to your watch and say, Times Up?

=============
A rich businessman is dying and his friend comes for a last visit.
Fred., whispers the businessman, I have to tell you something. What is it, Jack? You can tell me everything., says Fred. You know, that trade we were making with the Italians, the package we were delivering; Fred, I didn't deliver it, I kept it for myself. I kept 500 dollars for myself Fred. I can forgive you, John. We were friends for a long time, 500 dollars don't matter. But Fred, there's something else. The job we were doing for the Spanish. Giving them back those 5000 dollars, you know. I kept those too. John, we are both millionaires, I don't care about those 5000 dollars. Don't worry about that. Well., whispers John, almost unhearable, There's one more thing. The huge job for the Brits. the biggest deal in the history of our business, Fred. I kept that money too. It was 1 billion dollars. 1 billion, Fred. that's just unforgivable. Don't worry John, I know about that. That's why I poisoned you.

=============
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go. The old gentleman paused. Then he said, Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back. Have a good day, sir, replied the trooper.

=============
Two women died and appear at the gates of Heaven
Saint Peter, standing at the gates, asks the first woman. What was the last thing you remember doing? Woman: Blowing bubbles while riding in a car. Peter: Name? Woman: Jess. Peter smiles and says: Well Jess, blowing bubbles in a car is not a sin so you may enter Heaven. Saint Peter looks at the other woman and asks. What was the last thing you remember doing? Other woman: I too was blowing bubbles while riding in a car. Peter: Name? Other woman: Vicky. Peter: Vicky, blowing bubbles in a car is not a sin. You too may enter Heaven. Shortly after a man appears in front of Peter and Peter asks him. What was the last thing you remember doing? Man: Driving a car. Peter: Name? Man: Bubbles.