20230602

[github-actions]

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The case of the friend's box
A man sees his buddy carrying a box. What's that? he ask. Oh, I got a case of beer for my wife. Man nods sagely, Good trade. Edit: At the request of someone below, let's update for MoDeRn AuDiEnCeS! A non-gender specific, racially ambiguous person sees their buddy carrying a box. What's that? they asks. Oh, I got a case of inoffensive, nonspecific beverage for my non-gender specific, racially ambiguous significant other. Non-gender specific, racially ambiguous person nods sagely, Good trade.

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A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go. The old gentleman paused. Then he said, Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back. Have a good day, sir, replied the trooper.

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Revenge
Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast. One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guys pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor. Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves. Not much of a man, was he? says one of the bikers. Not much of a driver, either, says the waitress. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.

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Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher revealed himself to them.
The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady couldn't reach far enough.

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A King and his squire during a battle
King: Cannons, fire! Squire: Your majesty, we have no cannons King: Ok then. Cavalry, charge! Squire: We have no cavalry either King: Ok then. Archers, loose! Squire: We have no archers either King: Ok then. Infantry, attack! Squire: We have no infantry either King: Tell me squire, has anyone else showed up for this battle aside from the 2 of us ? Squire: Why yes, the minstrels are here too, your majesty King: Ok then. Minstrels, play a funeral march!

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A man walks into a library
He sees the most beautiful librarian behind the counter. He says Will you go on a date with me? She replies No. I'm fully booked

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A woman Walks Into A Butchery Just Before Closing and Asks, 'Do You Still Have Chicken?'
The Butcher Opens His Deep Freezer, Takes Out The Only Chicken Left and Puts It On The Scale, And It Weighed 1.5 kg. The Woman Looks At The Chicken and At The Scale And Asked, Do You Have One That's a Bit Bigger Than This One? The Butcher Puts His Only Chicken Back Into The Freezer, and Then Takes It Out Again, But This Time When He Puts It On The Scale; He Craftily Keeps His Thumb on The Scale Pan And The Scale Now Showed 2 kg That's Wonderful, Said The Woman. I'll Take both Chickens, please!

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A lone cowboy nobody knew walks into a mining town bar..
He orders two drinks which he downs slowly. When he was done with his drinks, he paid the bartender and walks out to see that his horse with all his stuff is missing. He turns around, walks back in the bar, pulls his guns from his holster and shoots them in the air. Which ever one of you cow dung stole my horse better have it back by the time I finish my next drink, other wise I am going to have to do what I did in Texas. And trust me, I don't want to ever do that again. He walks back to the bar, gets another drink, and slowly drinks it. The people in the bar started murmuring, talking amongst themselves and looking at the stranger with fear in their eyes. The stranger finishes his drink, walks out and his horse was there where he left it. He got up on it, when the bartender and the bar patrons ran out after him. The bartender said Mister, we are sorry for what happened. But please tell us what happened in Texas after somebody stole your horse? The stranger looked at him and said, I had to walk home.

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Two blondes are placing a bet whether a man will commit suicide
Two blondes are watching 8 o'clock evening news. The report is about a man, sitting on an edge of a bulding, about to jump off the building. One blonde says to the other: I bet 100 he will jump. Other blonde says: 100 sounds good, I bet he will not jump. 10 minutes in, and the guy jumps off. The blonde says: it was a fair deal, here's your 100. After a while the other blonde says: look, it was not fair from my side, I was watching 1 o'clock mid-day news, so I already knew that he is going to jump, hence I placed unfair bet. Here's your 100 back. Other blonde says: It's fine, I also watched 1 o'clock mid-day news, but I didn't know that on 8 o'clock news the guy is going to do it again!