regstuff / reddit-joke-cleaner

Get jokes daily from Reddit's r/jokes. Delete "offensive" jokes. Mail the rest to yourself

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I can't stand the ignorance of some reddit commenters
The reason they do this is because they want to show what they know about the issue, it gives them sense of worth and want to feel validated. I know this because I have a degree in psychology saw a youtube video

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One Ukrainian Jew to another: 'Would you share this imported bottle of Scotch with me?'
The other: Of course I would. But we barely have money for food. Where did you get Scotch? First: I traded some Russian caviar for it. Second: But how did you get Russian caviar? First: I traded some calamari to them for it. Second: But we're hundreds of kilometers from the nearest ocean, and it doesn't have squid. First: No, but it was a good month for circumcisions and Russian soldiers don't know the difference.

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The chemistry final make up exam.
There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to school until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them each the 100 point exam. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page. On the second page was written. For 95 points: Which tire? ____

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Saving Myself
A wealthy, never-been-wed 80-year-old man marries a beautiful 24-year-old blonde. All of his friends agree to meet for breakfast in the same five-star hotel in which he is spending his first wedding night, just to see his reaction. They expect him to come down for breakfast in the elevator, most likely in a wheelchair. But to their surprise, he walks down the broad staircase looking dapper, and as refreshed as a 25-year-old man. He waves at them and sits down for coffee to await his brides appearance. Forty minutes later she staggers down the stairs, barely able to walk across the marble floor to his table. His friends are shocked by her obviously physically-wrecked condition. When the gentleman excuses himself and leisurely heads for the restroom, they rush to her to see what happened to her. She looks up at them with a distraught face, He told me hes been saving up for sixty years; I thought he was talking about money!

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A horse walks into a bar
A horse walks into a bar and does a sommersault, a cartwheel and finally backflips onto a barstool. The bartender asks him: Wow! How did you do that? The horse answers: Well, I've worked in the circus for all my life, so that's how. The barman nods approvingly and gives the horse a free drink. A couple minutes later another horse walk in and he does a frontflip, a pirouette and finally sideflips onto the barstool. The barman asks him: Well have I ever! Did you also work in the circus? The horse answers: No, I just tripped over the doornat.