20230528
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A priest dies and goes to Heaven.
Some time after he's arrived, he's noticed that one of the other people in Heaven, a New York City cab driver, was being treated with much more respect than he was. So he went to the Lord and asked, Lord, why is that man being treated much better than me when all he did for a living was drive a taxi cab, when I dedicated my life to teaching others about you? The Lord asked, When people came to your church, were they always alert and paying close attention to you? No. the priest admitted, In fact, they would even fall asleep sometimes during my sermons. Well, that man was a cab driver in New York City said the Lord, And not only were the people he drove very wide awake, but they were usually praying.
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I attended prom
The DJ played the Cha-Cha Slide, and I did the Cha-Cha Slide. The DJ played the Macarena, and I did the Macarena. The DJ played Come on Eileen, and now Im not allowed within 1,000 feet of school property.
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A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, Please, may I hide under your skirt. Ill explain later..
The nun agreed A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier? The nun replied, He went that way. After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, I cant thank you enough, sister. You see, I dont want to go to Iraq. The nun said, I understand completely. The soldier added, I hope Im not rude, but you have a great pair of legs! The nun replied, If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I dont want to go to Iraq either.
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The maid
A maid goes to the wife of the house, and demands a raise. The wife gets mad and asks the maid now why do you think you deserve one? The maid instantly replied and said there are 3 reasons. One is that I iron better than you. The wife, surprised by this, snapped back and said Who said that?! Your husband. The maid said. Two is that I am a better cook than you. Says the maid. Once again the wife asks who said that? And again the maid said Your husband. And three is that I'm better in bed than you are. The wife, now livid, shouts Did my husband say that as well? The maid looks at her and says No, the gardener did. So, how much do you want?