20230527

[github-actions]

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A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, Please, may I hide under your skirt. Ill explain later..
The nun agreed A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier? The nun replied, He went that way. After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, I cant thank you enough, sister. You see, I dont want to go to Iraq. The nun said, I understand completely. The soldier added, I hope Im not rude, but you have a great pair of legs! The nun replied, If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls. I dont want to go to Iraq either.

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I told my wife I wanted to be creamated.
She made me an appointment for Tuesday. Edit : Dangit. I meant cremated. Where were ya on that one autocorrect..?

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An octopus slinks into a dark room with a gun in each arm.
He hears a soft chuckle coming from the corner. Youre one short, my friend, says the cat as he steps into view.

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A man skipped church to go hunting.
A man skipped church to go hunting. While in the woods, he got chased by a bear and climbed a tree to get away. Unfortunately, the bear started climbing after him (as bears do). The man started to pray: Lord, I know I should not have skipped church, but please make this a Christian bear! Just then, the man heard the bear stop climbing. Relieved, he looked down to see the bear with its head bowed and saying Lord, I thank thee for this meal I am about to receive.

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A Jew living in Soviet Russia writes a letter to his relative in America.
Roza, food is so expensive here, you won't believe it. A chicken costs 5 rubles. Can you imagine? 5 rubles for a chicken. The next day, he gets a visit from the KGB. The KGB officer tells him, you must rewrite the letter. Tell them food is cheaper and of better quality than in America Roza, you won't believe it, food is so cheap here. An elephant costs 3 rubles. But why would I want an elephant if I can get a chicken for 2 rubles more?

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A boy rushed home after his first day of school, excited to tell his father how it went. Dad! The teacher asked the whole class a question, but I was the only one who knew the answer and I got it right!
Thats great, son! Youre off to a good start already. Something that I taught you, no doubt! What was the question? The teacher asked us who farted?!