20230523

[github-actions]

=============
My wife stopped me from taking my first bite at the restaurant, saying that we need to pray first.
Nah, there's no need I replied. But why? she asked. We always pray at home when I cook dinner. Because I think we'll be fine here, the chef knows what he's doing.

=============
A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
My dog is so smart, says the first owner, that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee. I know, replied the second dog owner, my dog told me.

=============
How to tell if a girl likes you
You can tell if a girl likes you by her ankles: If they are behind your head, she likes you. If they are behind her head, she really likes you.

=============
The 'Sir Sandwich' (I don't understand this joke!)
This joke appeared on Everybody Loves Raymond and I don't get it: Our drill sergeant stressed to us the importance of addressing all officers with what he called a Sir Sandwich. Sir, yes Sir! Sir, I dont know, Sir! and the like. A few days later a colonel approached me in the motor pool and asked me what I was working on. Using the Sir Sandwich I said Sir, checking the oil, Sir, in these jeeps, Sir. And Sir, checking the tires, Sir. The colonel laughed and said Private, I appreciate your respect but I dont need a Sir Club Sandwich. So can anyone please explain the punchline?

=============
A young boy asks an old man how he got to be so old
The old man tells the boy Oh it's an old cowboy trick! Every morning I put a spoonful of gunpowder on my oatmeal! So the young boy starts doing it and sure enough he lived to the ripe old age of 106. He left behind 3 children, 8 grandchildren, 4 great-grandchildren and a 30 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

=============
A man visits the bee shop
And says to the shopkeeper: I'd like 12 bees please The shopkeeper says: That's no problem. That'll be 10. The two exchange the money for the bag of bees. The man checks the bag and says to the shopkeeper: Hey, there's 13 bees in this bag? The shopkeeper replies: The 13th bee is a free-bee

=============
Three dogs are having a drink at a bar.
One dog is a rottweiler, the second dog is a German shepherd and the third dog is none other than the Taco Bell Chihuahua. They were just sitting at the bar when suddenly who should come walking in but Lassie herself. She saunters up to the three dogs and says, If one of you can creatively use 'liver' and 'cheese' in the same sentence, I'll take you out for dinner and a movie. The rottweiler says ,I love liver and cheese!. That's no good. Lassie said. The German shepherd says ,I HATE liver and cheese! Still not creative enough. Lassie tells him. The Taco Bell Chihuahua then says to the first two dogs, Liver alone, cheese mine!

=============
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of most expensive wine on the menu
She sends me a note, I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants. So i wrote back, Return me the wine; As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.